By Michael Webb http://derry123.mwebb.hop.clickbank.net
Is there such thing as “the best” lovemaking position?
Actually there is!
However, the best positions for men and women are different. Also, did you know that by moving even one inch in any direction while in these positions,you can dramatically change the feeling and intensity of a position?
Take your time to find the best angles for the both of you, while using these positions.
The Best Position For Women To Climax
The reverse missionary is identical to the traditional missionary except that she is on top.This is probably the easiest position for a woman to climax because she can control the friction to her clitoris and/or G-spot.
Since you typically want the women to orgasm first, this would be one of your first positions and then move to a position where the guy has full control for his orgasm.
You can vary your leg positions by both of you spreading your legs, or by alternating the one who has them spread and the one who has them together.
The Best Position For Men To Orgasm
Practically every animal species utilizes the rear-entry “doggy-style” position, so it is a natural one for humans to enjoy, as well. Although you won’t have face-to-face contact, there are many benefits. It is great for guys because it gives them full control.
This is one of the best positions for hitting her G-spot and allows you to fondle her breasts, stomach, clitoris, back, neck and other sensual spots. Even she can touch her clitoris in this position.
She kneels before you (some women enjoy it more if their head is down on a pillow) and you enter her from behind.
The main benefit for the guy is a view of her beautiful bottom and being able to see the action,while getting incredibly deep penetration(above-average size guys need to be careful as deep thrusts might hit her cervix, which can be quite painful).
The Mistake Couples Make Using Lovemaking Positions
Of course, books show dozens, if not hundreds, of sexual positions, but the reality is that there are may be only eight basic positions, with slight variations for each.
So what happens when you've tried all eight positions to death? Let's face it in the end, lovemaking is generally always the same.
That’s why you should explore ALL aspects of sexuality about each other. I don't mean anything freaky here. I just mean cultivate an adventurous spirit. Turn foreplay into a game. Add a prop or two.
Try a new place. How about starting off with a plate of fruits? There are literally HUNDREDS of ways you can make your lovemaking more exciting, passionate and fulfilling long-term, rather than just trying new positions.
About the Author:
Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 500Lovemaking Tips, a book full of ways to spice up your lovemaking, adding more passion, pleasure and intimacy to your experience. To read more, visit: 500lovemakingtips.com
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
5 Tips For Better Lovemaking
By Michael Webbhttp://derry123.mwebb.hop.clickbank.net
Here are five really simple ways to make yourlovemaking more hot, steamy and passionate… (Evenstarting tonight)
1. Find your partner’s “hidden” zones
I call these “hidden” zones because many people don’t realize, or forget, that these areas of the body LOVE attention.
While many of these zones are obvious, like the lips, breasts, inner thighs and genitals, there are also areas that, when stroked, caressed and kissed,can drive your partner wild and even intensify their orgasm.
Believe it or not, the ears, neck, arms and hair are all really sensitive areas that love to be stimulated. Spend some time during foreplay caressing and touching these areas, and watch how it pleases your partner.
2. Set a romantic mood
People often think that using candles, music,incense and even rose petals to set the mood of your lovemaking is too “cliché.” Are they kidding! Your partner will LOVE YOU for this.
Just imagine how happy you would feel if someone went to all the trouble to create a special lovemaking occasion that you can cherish for years to come. Could this be so “cliché” because people enjoy it so much? Point made.
3. Give them a sensual massage
Why stop at setting the mood? Go one step further and give your partner a sensual massage that makes them feel relaxed and loved at the same time. Make it sexy, sensual, and pleasurable.
Massage them naked or build up the anticipation by having them slowly undress during the massage. Then kiss, caress and slowly transition “under the sheets” where a massage of another kind can takeplace.
And no, you don’t need years of study to give agreat massage. Just grab some candles and music, and bless your partner with an experience they’ll never forget.
4. Please your partner with more oral sex
Did you know that oral sex is a great way tostrengthen your relationship? Think about it. It takes a lot of trust and comfort to let somebody have their mouth down there. Not to mention it’s great for men who want to relax without pressure to perform, and for women who can’t reach orgasm from only intercourse. In short, it’s an important part of foreplay. Here are some tips for both men andwomen.
LADIES: Women often start fell at by sucking on the penis straight away when, actually, they should start with some playful teasing and soft touches.This will lead to a much more powerful orgasm as it heightens his anticipation.
GENTLEMAN: A mistake men often make is moving their tongue in a thrusting fashion, when stimulating the vagina and clitoris orally. Instead, they should lick it like an ice cream cone. Another great tip to keep things exciting is to write the alpha bet around the clitoris with your tongue.
5. Constantly explore and try new things
If I could only give you one piece of advice forbetter lovemaking, it would be this: becomeadventurous and creative.
Nothing is stopping you from red-hot passion except your level of creativity. Try a new position, do it some where new, or spice up your foreplay with agame.
Let’s face it, the basic act of lovemaking, nomatter how hard you try, is always kiss and thrust,but it’s HOW you do it and the way you make your partner feel that really counts.
By dedicating time to finding new things, you can turn ordinary lovemaking into extraordinary lovemaking. This is the sure-fire way to make sure your lovemaking stays passionate, pleasurable, and intimate for years to come.
About the Author:
Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 500Lovemaking Tips, a book full of ways to spice upyour lovemaking, adding more passion, pleasure andintimacy to your experience. To read more, visit: 500lovemakingtips.com
Here are five really simple ways to make yourlovemaking more hot, steamy and passionate… (Evenstarting tonight)
1. Find your partner’s “hidden” zones
I call these “hidden” zones because many people don’t realize, or forget, that these areas of the body LOVE attention.
While many of these zones are obvious, like the lips, breasts, inner thighs and genitals, there are also areas that, when stroked, caressed and kissed,can drive your partner wild and even intensify their orgasm.
Believe it or not, the ears, neck, arms and hair are all really sensitive areas that love to be stimulated. Spend some time during foreplay caressing and touching these areas, and watch how it pleases your partner.
2. Set a romantic mood
People often think that using candles, music,incense and even rose petals to set the mood of your lovemaking is too “cliché.” Are they kidding! Your partner will LOVE YOU for this.
Just imagine how happy you would feel if someone went to all the trouble to create a special lovemaking occasion that you can cherish for years to come. Could this be so “cliché” because people enjoy it so much? Point made.
3. Give them a sensual massage
Why stop at setting the mood? Go one step further and give your partner a sensual massage that makes them feel relaxed and loved at the same time. Make it sexy, sensual, and pleasurable.
Massage them naked or build up the anticipation by having them slowly undress during the massage. Then kiss, caress and slowly transition “under the sheets” where a massage of another kind can takeplace.
And no, you don’t need years of study to give agreat massage. Just grab some candles and music, and bless your partner with an experience they’ll never forget.
4. Please your partner with more oral sex
Did you know that oral sex is a great way tostrengthen your relationship? Think about it. It takes a lot of trust and comfort to let somebody have their mouth down there. Not to mention it’s great for men who want to relax without pressure to perform, and for women who can’t reach orgasm from only intercourse. In short, it’s an important part of foreplay. Here are some tips for both men andwomen.
LADIES: Women often start fell at by sucking on the penis straight away when, actually, they should start with some playful teasing and soft touches.This will lead to a much more powerful orgasm as it heightens his anticipation.
GENTLEMAN: A mistake men often make is moving their tongue in a thrusting fashion, when stimulating the vagina and clitoris orally. Instead, they should lick it like an ice cream cone. Another great tip to keep things exciting is to write the alpha bet around the clitoris with your tongue.
5. Constantly explore and try new things
If I could only give you one piece of advice forbetter lovemaking, it would be this: becomeadventurous and creative.
Nothing is stopping you from red-hot passion except your level of creativity. Try a new position, do it some where new, or spice up your foreplay with agame.
Let’s face it, the basic act of lovemaking, nomatter how hard you try, is always kiss and thrust,but it’s HOW you do it and the way you make your partner feel that really counts.
By dedicating time to finding new things, you can turn ordinary lovemaking into extraordinary lovemaking. This is the sure-fire way to make sure your lovemaking stays passionate, pleasurable, and intimate for years to come.
About the Author:
Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 500Lovemaking Tips, a book full of ways to spice upyour lovemaking, adding more passion, pleasure andintimacy to your experience. To read more, visit: 500lovemakingtips.com
Monday, February 18, 2008
7 Lovemaking Mistakes That Couples Make
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Sunday, February 17, 2008
500 Lovemaking Tips Book Review
500 lovemaking Tips
One of the biggest challenges couples in long-term relationships face is trying to keep their lovemaking red, hot and steamy. Early on in a relationship, the passion and newness of your lovemaking is always unforgettable; but, as that initial magic fades, it becomes harder to make things exciting again.So is “500 Lovemaking Tips and Secrets” by acclaimed author Michael Webb the right book to bring back the fire? Here’s my take on it.
The book begins with a general foundation and understanding on lovemaking, briefly discussing topics like bedroom toys, adult films, the importance of romance for lovemaking, and interesting truths about Kama Sutra. It also contains a lubrication guide and 16 fully illustrated lovemaking positions in the back of the book. These are all nice touches, but the main attraction and bulk of the book is the 500+ tips.
I have to say, I really LOVE that you can open the book, pick a page and have between 8 10 easy-to-read tips ready to inspire or use right away. No need to read through dozens of long-winded paragraphs. Everything is formatted neatly and is very easy on the eyes. This is a big plus when you’re just about to make love spur-of-the-moment and you want some ideas.
So, what about the actual tips themselves?
This book is a treasure chest of ideas. It has 539 tips in total. They range from oral sex tips for both men and women, to games you can play to make foreplay more fun (although I would have loved to see more games). It also has tips to make intercourse feel better and unique, ways to surprise your partner like “coming out of the shower with just a towel and playing with your wife,” and even some cool places to make love that most people would never have thought of. While I didn’t find all the tips exciting (which was expected), I found more than enough that appealed to me.
The tips are all mixed together, which can get a little overwhelming. I recommend you skim through the book a few times rather than trying to read the whole thing in one sitting.
This book also lives up to its promise of not containing any raunchy, degrading, immoral or perverted ideas that so many lovemaking books seem to have.
In conclusion, while not all the tips in the book amazed me and I would have been nice to see some more ‘games’, it’s still THE most complete book of tips and ideas on improving lovemaking I’ve ever read. Nothing else comes close. All in all, I found it very enjoyable to read and use :) So if you want to make your lovemaking exciting again or even if you just want some tips for more pleasure, then I highly recommend this book for you. For more information about 500 Lovemaking Tips to go: http://derry123.mwebb.hop.clickbank.net
10 Ways To Rekindle The Magic In Your Relationship
Magic In Your Relationship
By Michael Webbhttp://derry123.mwebb.hop.clickbank.net/Are you frustrated that your relationship doesn’thave the magic and romance that it once had?
You’re not alone.
Living with the same partner for a long time can become stable and comfortable, and, as a result,can also kill the spark that made your relationship so special in the first place.
Here are some simple, fun and creative ideas to reignite that magic:
1. SEND THEM A UNIQUE GIFT
Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a bright child like picture with a smiley sun and two stick figures holding hands. Add labels with your two names pointing to the stick figures. Write ‘I Love You’ inside a heart. Next get a large formal envelope. Place your drawing inside and type up a formal address label of your partner's workplace,such as: “For the immediate and urgent attention of: Rebecca Jones, Level 20, Collins & SmithSolicitors, New York.” Mail it to your partner so they receive it in the middle of a busy day.
2. BECOME KIDS AGAIN
If you are walking by a park, visit the swings and give your partner a ride. This will often bring back happy memories from their childhood.
3. FUN WITH WATER
On a hot summer’s day, buy two large water pistol sand take them to the beach with you. Pull them out and throw one to your partner and then have a huge water fight.
4. A MASSAGE WITH A TWIST
Buy a small, decorated cardboard box, a sheet of colored tissue paper, some massage oil and a blank card. Line the box with the tissue paper. Place the massage oil in the box and write the following message on the card: I know a great masseur. For anappointment call: (Your Phone Number)
5. BRING BACK CHILDHOOD MEMORIES
Contact your partner's family and ask if there was anything she always wanted when she was a little girl. For example if she always wanted a porcelain doll, buy one for her birthday. She will not only appreciate the gift, but also the fact that you were thoughtful enough to find out what she always wanted. You can do this for your man too.
6. STARE AT THE CLOUDS
Drive into the country, find a grassy hill, and lie with your partner and look up at the clouds.
7. WALK ALONG THE BEACH
Trace out the shape of a large love heart in the sand. Sit inside the heart and cuddle your partneras you watch the sun go down.
8. ORGANIZE A PICNIC ON A WARM SUMMER’S NIGHT
Spread a picnic blanket on the ground and get together some snacks, chocolates and champagne. Lie down on the blanket with your partner and gaze upat the stars together.
9. SHOW YOU’RE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR PARTNER
Leave a long-stem rose where your partner will find it, with a note on it saying: "Thank you for coming into my life."
10. SPICE UP YOUR LOVEMAKING
Probably the most profound way to rekindle the romance in your relationship is to spice up your lovemaking. Surprise your partner with a little gift after you make love, try a new position, learn to give your partner a sensual massage before or after, or just spend some time staring into each other’s eyes and caressing their bare skin before making love.
Many people under estimate the affect passionate and intimate lovemaking has on a relationship. If you spice it up, chances are you and your partner will naturally do romantic things for each other. Why?Because passionate lovemaking connects two people in a meaningful and unexplainable way that nothing else can.
About the Author:
Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 500Lovemaking Tips, a book full of ways to spice up your lovemaking, adding more passion, pleasure and intimacy to your experience. To read more, visit:http://derry123.mwebb.hop.clickbank.net/
Saturday, February 16, 2008
10 HOT Marriage Counseling TIPS for Relationship Enhancement
Marriage Counseling FREE -10 HOT TIPS for Relationship Enhancement
1. Slow down and Listen- When we communicate we sometimes ignore what our partner is saying. Our thoughts are on what we will say next. If you pay attention to your partners words and then reflect back what you hear them say or feel, they will feel heard and you will be on the road to a resolution of the issue. Does someone, maybe yourself, in your life keep repeating themselves over and over? It is probably because they are not feeling heard. Try the reflective listening and see if you can stop them from repeating.
2. You get what you NOTICE. This goes for positive and negative. This concept works especially with parenting. If you continually notice the bad or negative, you will get more of that. If you notice every thing you do not like about your partner, you will get more of THAT. Try noticing, validating, and acknowledging the things you want more of. Like, I really like it when you kiss me goodbye.I really like it when you (finally remember to) kiss me goodbye. That is a hook, it makes the nice positive statement hurtful and negative. Try noticing what you want, see if it works.
3. Express your anger Assertively. Anger is just an emotion. It is not good or bad. Emotions are our barometer to our world. They tell us if we like what is happening or we do not like what is going on around us. Anger is a good emotion in that it tells us when something hurtful is happening. Expressing our anger is an important aspect of good emotional health. Feeling anger is good, it is how we express it that gets us into trouble or not. Expressing our anger in an aggressive or hurtful way will damage our relationship. My website has a short seven step anger management chapter. Sometimes we just need to tools to help us express in an assertive way. Find a program that will help you. Remember you learned how to express your anger in your family of origin. It is a learned behavior and therefore you CAN change it.
4. Be polite and kind. This is almost too basic right? Well sometimes when we are with people every day we forget to treat them with respect and kindness. Just because they are our partner or our family does not mean they do not deserve care and kindness. Kids respond to being to do something politely instead of demanded. And I have a secret for you-ADULTS respond that way too. So, if you want your partner to DO something, try asking politely. If we are stressed with life, sometimes we take it out on our family. If you find that is your pattern, find a way to reduce your stress so that you can be kind to the people who care most important to you and care about you more than any one else.
5. Take care of you TOO Taking care of others is admirable. Sometimes we get our good feelings about ourselves by taking care of others. If you routinely take care of others needs instead of your own, you may have some co-dependent tendencies. If you feel you may have co-dependent behaviors that interfere with your relationship, find a way to change. There are several books on Co-Dependent Behaviors. My favorite is Co-Dependent No More by Melodie Beattie. Taking care of you is important so you can truly be there for others when you need to be. Think of it as having a basket that contains your issues. Everyone, everyone in the world, has a personal basket of issues. If you take others issues out of their basket to take care of them then you are robbing them of the chance to use their own power over their world. When someone throws their issues in your basket you can take them back out and put them where they belong. If you are co-dependent you will keep them there. Again, I want to remind you that we learn a lot of patterns in our family of origin. If we were given the role of caretaker while we were growing up, we may have a hard time getting free from that pattern.
6. Remember YOU are the only thing you really control Okay, you don't have to believe this to begin with. Hear me out. Think about it. If you ask your child to do something and they refuse-even if you beat them within and inch of their life(PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME)-and then they do what you want them to do-THEY are still deciding to DO. Adults are the same. We cannot make someone angry. Someone cannot MAKE us angry. Don't give anyone else that power. Only you can decide if you are going to be angry. You only have control over yourself and your own behaviors and your own choices. Take a deep breath try it on. It will actually lower your stress level to realize you cannot control the world..
7. It is okay to make a Mistake and be wrong. It takes a person comfortable with themselves and secure to opening be okay with making mistakes. That seems so backwards. When we are human we make mistakes. Now I know I am a Goddess, but I am a human Goddess, so making mistakes is okay. Actually, isn't is just so annoying with you have to be with someone who thinks they are perfect and thinks they don't ever do anything wrong. AND wouldn't it just be awful to try to live with someone who really truly is perfect and never makes mistakes. YIKES!!! I want someone who is real, flaws and mistakes and human frailties and all ¦..must easier to be the real ME then.
8. BE aware you both can be RIGHT When couples come in for counseling, one of the first things I like them to do is to have a personality profile completed. This will help them notice the differences. On the link page of my website is to get personality profile it will take you to the home page for Keirsey Sorter Personality Profile. I will help you maximize your similarities and appreciate your differences. It CAN be different not right and wrong. Give it a try.
9. Touch more, touch more, touch more This is my favorite one. This doesn't mean groping or sexual touching. Well, the sexual touching is good to if it is consensual. This touch is good ole HUMAN touching. I care about you, I love you, I think you are special-touching. Try stroking hair gently, squeezing hands, hugs are perfect, back of the hand on the check, pat-anywhere. Here is where the communication is so important. ASK your partner what kind of touching they would like. TELL your partner what kind of touching you would like. Sometimes we just need to be touched or held and not have sex. Have a touching conversation with your partner.okay that was a sneaky one. You get the picture. Give it a try. Non-sexual touching. Basic human need is for human touch. Don't get me wrong, sex can be an important part of a relationship too. If your sex does not sizzle, find some information about being a lover. We are not taught to be a lover¦.we have to do this on our own or with the world of media information. We all know media information can be wrong so get the straight scope on sex. Take a workshop together. COMMUNICATE about your needs and wishes. Talk about fantasy and see if you can fulfill those for each other. Touch of all kinds help a relationship-usually- by that I mean you must communicate personal preferences. So, TALK about it.
10. Take time to be together, talk, listen, care, touch, this builds and nurtures your RELATIONSHIP When I counsel couples, at one point I will give them four hour homework. I spell this out in my relationship healing and enhancement program in the chapter, Hot Monogamy. Yes, Monogamy can be hot, but it takes work and time and attention. A relationship is a living thing. It needs to be nurtured and attention must be given. A relationship does not take care of itself. SO, if you want Hot Monogamy, pay attention. Take relationship time, away from kids and others. Make special time for just the partners in a relationship. Talk about what you like, need, and want. Give yourself the gift of forever love with your partner, schedule routine time together - ALONE. This means weekly, daily, monthly. Learn some activities that will increase your emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy will bring a deeper more caring aspect to your relationship.
In closing; I wish you JOY and Happiness in your relationship. Take care of YOU and communicate your needs. Express yourself in a way that does not hurt anyone-even you. Find the HOT Monogamy that is available. BE HAPPY. Thanks for reading
1. Slow down and Listen- When we communicate we sometimes ignore what our partner is saying. Our thoughts are on what we will say next. If you pay attention to your partners words and then reflect back what you hear them say or feel, they will feel heard and you will be on the road to a resolution of the issue. Does someone, maybe yourself, in your life keep repeating themselves over and over? It is probably because they are not feeling heard. Try the reflective listening and see if you can stop them from repeating.
2. You get what you NOTICE. This goes for positive and negative. This concept works especially with parenting. If you continually notice the bad or negative, you will get more of that. If you notice every thing you do not like about your partner, you will get more of THAT. Try noticing, validating, and acknowledging the things you want more of. Like, I really like it when you kiss me goodbye.I really like it when you (finally remember to) kiss me goodbye. That is a hook, it makes the nice positive statement hurtful and negative. Try noticing what you want, see if it works.
3. Express your anger Assertively. Anger is just an emotion. It is not good or bad. Emotions are our barometer to our world. They tell us if we like what is happening or we do not like what is going on around us. Anger is a good emotion in that it tells us when something hurtful is happening. Expressing our anger is an important aspect of good emotional health. Feeling anger is good, it is how we express it that gets us into trouble or not. Expressing our anger in an aggressive or hurtful way will damage our relationship. My website has a short seven step anger management chapter. Sometimes we just need to tools to help us express in an assertive way. Find a program that will help you. Remember you learned how to express your anger in your family of origin. It is a learned behavior and therefore you CAN change it.
4. Be polite and kind. This is almost too basic right? Well sometimes when we are with people every day we forget to treat them with respect and kindness. Just because they are our partner or our family does not mean they do not deserve care and kindness. Kids respond to being to do something politely instead of demanded. And I have a secret for you-ADULTS respond that way too. So, if you want your partner to DO something, try asking politely. If we are stressed with life, sometimes we take it out on our family. If you find that is your pattern, find a way to reduce your stress so that you can be kind to the people who care most important to you and care about you more than any one else.
5. Take care of you TOO Taking care of others is admirable. Sometimes we get our good feelings about ourselves by taking care of others. If you routinely take care of others needs instead of your own, you may have some co-dependent tendencies. If you feel you may have co-dependent behaviors that interfere with your relationship, find a way to change. There are several books on Co-Dependent Behaviors. My favorite is Co-Dependent No More by Melodie Beattie. Taking care of you is important so you can truly be there for others when you need to be. Think of it as having a basket that contains your issues. Everyone, everyone in the world, has a personal basket of issues. If you take others issues out of their basket to take care of them then you are robbing them of the chance to use their own power over their world. When someone throws their issues in your basket you can take them back out and put them where they belong. If you are co-dependent you will keep them there. Again, I want to remind you that we learn a lot of patterns in our family of origin. If we were given the role of caretaker while we were growing up, we may have a hard time getting free from that pattern.
6. Remember YOU are the only thing you really control Okay, you don't have to believe this to begin with. Hear me out. Think about it. If you ask your child to do something and they refuse-even if you beat them within and inch of their life(PLEASE DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME)-and then they do what you want them to do-THEY are still deciding to DO. Adults are the same. We cannot make someone angry. Someone cannot MAKE us angry. Don't give anyone else that power. Only you can decide if you are going to be angry. You only have control over yourself and your own behaviors and your own choices. Take a deep breath try it on. It will actually lower your stress level to realize you cannot control the world..
7. It is okay to make a Mistake and be wrong. It takes a person comfortable with themselves and secure to opening be okay with making mistakes. That seems so backwards. When we are human we make mistakes. Now I know I am a Goddess, but I am a human Goddess, so making mistakes is okay. Actually, isn't is just so annoying with you have to be with someone who thinks they are perfect and thinks they don't ever do anything wrong. AND wouldn't it just be awful to try to live with someone who really truly is perfect and never makes mistakes. YIKES!!! I want someone who is real, flaws and mistakes and human frailties and all ¦..must easier to be the real ME then.
8. BE aware you both can be RIGHT When couples come in for counseling, one of the first things I like them to do is to have a personality profile completed. This will help them notice the differences. On the link page of my website is to get personality profile it will take you to the home page for Keirsey Sorter Personality Profile. I will help you maximize your similarities and appreciate your differences. It CAN be different not right and wrong. Give it a try.
9. Touch more, touch more, touch more This is my favorite one. This doesn't mean groping or sexual touching. Well, the sexual touching is good to if it is consensual. This touch is good ole HUMAN touching. I care about you, I love you, I think you are special-touching. Try stroking hair gently, squeezing hands, hugs are perfect, back of the hand on the check, pat-anywhere. Here is where the communication is so important. ASK your partner what kind of touching they would like. TELL your partner what kind of touching you would like. Sometimes we just need to be touched or held and not have sex. Have a touching conversation with your partner.okay that was a sneaky one. You get the picture. Give it a try. Non-sexual touching. Basic human need is for human touch. Don't get me wrong, sex can be an important part of a relationship too. If your sex does not sizzle, find some information about being a lover. We are not taught to be a lover¦.we have to do this on our own or with the world of media information. We all know media information can be wrong so get the straight scope on sex. Take a workshop together. COMMUNICATE about your needs and wishes. Talk about fantasy and see if you can fulfill those for each other. Touch of all kinds help a relationship-usually- by that I mean you must communicate personal preferences. So, TALK about it.
10. Take time to be together, talk, listen, care, touch, this builds and nurtures your RELATIONSHIP When I counsel couples, at one point I will give them four hour homework. I spell this out in my relationship healing and enhancement program in the chapter, Hot Monogamy. Yes, Monogamy can be hot, but it takes work and time and attention. A relationship is a living thing. It needs to be nurtured and attention must be given. A relationship does not take care of itself. SO, if you want Hot Monogamy, pay attention. Take relationship time, away from kids and others. Make special time for just the partners in a relationship. Talk about what you like, need, and want. Give yourself the gift of forever love with your partner, schedule routine time together - ALONE. This means weekly, daily, monthly. Learn some activities that will increase your emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy will bring a deeper more caring aspect to your relationship.
In closing; I wish you JOY and Happiness in your relationship. Take care of YOU and communicate your needs. Express yourself in a way that does not hurt anyone-even you. Find the HOT Monogamy that is available. BE HAPPY. Thanks for reading
Friday, February 15, 2008
It's Your Turn to fall in Love
Its a special time when a couple falls in love. Its almost as the world stop turning and all the stress in the world disappears. It is a time when two people have no other cares other than spending time with each other. Suddenly friendship takes on a whole new meaning and the future looks a whole lot brighter.
So why is falling in love so much fun? I believe it is because couples have the opportunity to find something that not everyone has. It is something that most people dream about, to finally have someone who can see the person who lies beneath all of the stress and hustle that life can bring. To find a friend who is interested in what is going on in that person's life, and truly want to be with them.
If you are looking for that certain someone, what are some things that can help you fall in love? If we all had the answers to this question we'd be millionaires, but there are things which I believe people can do to help themselves so that when they do meet that certain someone, they will be ready.
Be confident. When I say be confident, I mean to have confidence in yourself. If you know who you are and have a plan for your own happiness, you won't be intimidated by other people. It means knowing what you like, how you want to be treated, and knowing that you can accomplish goals which you have set for yourself. Of course it's possible to have too much, but you can measure that in your own way.
Learn to listen. Sometimes people just want to talk, and all the right words can be said simply by listening and not saying anything. It is a way for you to show interest in something that means so much to the other party. Ask questions, let them talk and feel important. There will be plenty of time to talk about yourself, but show the other person that you care by simply listening to the things which they have to say. Sometimes, no words can go a long way.
Be nice. We have all heard the phrase that nice guys finish last, well, if you are looking into falling in love; think about how you want to be treated. The golden rule can provide you with more direction than you may think. You will see that in doing this, people will notice your kindness; these types of things never go unnoticed.
These are just a few ideas to help you prepare yourself to fall in love. It can happen at anytime, which is the beauty of this life. Once you find it, hold on to it and never let it go because there is nothing like being in love.
Falling in love is a fantastic experience and it can happen to anyone at anytime. If you are looking to get married and are shopping for the perfect wedding ring, Tungsten Direct would like to help. They can provide you with a beautiful Tungsten ring which is designed to last a lifetime. A Tungsten wedding band might be exactly what you have in mind for your wedding ring.
So why is falling in love so much fun? I believe it is because couples have the opportunity to find something that not everyone has. It is something that most people dream about, to finally have someone who can see the person who lies beneath all of the stress and hustle that life can bring. To find a friend who is interested in what is going on in that person's life, and truly want to be with them.
If you are looking for that certain someone, what are some things that can help you fall in love? If we all had the answers to this question we'd be millionaires, but there are things which I believe people can do to help themselves so that when they do meet that certain someone, they will be ready.
Be confident. When I say be confident, I mean to have confidence in yourself. If you know who you are and have a plan for your own happiness, you won't be intimidated by other people. It means knowing what you like, how you want to be treated, and knowing that you can accomplish goals which you have set for yourself. Of course it's possible to have too much, but you can measure that in your own way.
Learn to listen. Sometimes people just want to talk, and all the right words can be said simply by listening and not saying anything. It is a way for you to show interest in something that means so much to the other party. Ask questions, let them talk and feel important. There will be plenty of time to talk about yourself, but show the other person that you care by simply listening to the things which they have to say. Sometimes, no words can go a long way.
Be nice. We have all heard the phrase that nice guys finish last, well, if you are looking into falling in love; think about how you want to be treated. The golden rule can provide you with more direction than you may think. You will see that in doing this, people will notice your kindness; these types of things never go unnoticed.
These are just a few ideas to help you prepare yourself to fall in love. It can happen at anytime, which is the beauty of this life. Once you find it, hold on to it and never let it go because there is nothing like being in love.
Falling in love is a fantastic experience and it can happen to anyone at anytime. If you are looking to get married and are shopping for the perfect wedding ring, Tungsten Direct would like to help. They can provide you with a beautiful Tungsten ring which is designed to last a lifetime. A Tungsten wedding band might be exactly what you have in mind for your wedding ring.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Learn the Best Foreplay Techniques And Tips
In this Article I am going to talk about Foreplay between partners and discuss some of the Techniques and Tips that will encourage great sexual foreplay. Foreplay plays a large and fundamental role in the activities of love making between two people. Experienced men and women throughout their sex lives will agree that the best sexual encounters should involve long and sensual foreplay. With this in mind, partners who do involve long sexual periods of foreplay in their sex lives will certainly enjoy increased pleasure to both partners making any sexual experience more satisfying.
What are foreplay techniques?
Well... there are many foreplay techniques involved which include activities such as undressing, kissing, petting, and oral sex. Everybody has a preference and you can add your own thoughts to the list. These techniques start before love making. The whole purpose of these techniques is to entice your lover into wanting you period! Sensual foreplay is so important between two partners and their sex life. The reason for that is because if will help both individuals enjoy are more arousing sexual experience. A note for all the men reading this... using good foreplay techniques with women will help her reach orgasm more often. The thing is the majority of women need prolonged sexual stimulation in order to reach a complete arousal. So fellas, using foreplay in the first place will provide them with the required state of mind for sexual intercourse.
So have you got any techniques in mind?
Other techniques you can try on your lover are things like taking a shower as you both are given the opportunity to explore and caress each others body. How about giving each other a massage? Massaging your partners body is a great way to "loosen up" your partner and getting them in the mood for love. Why not try buying some massaging oil and some scented candles to set the mood? You can start by massage your lover on the back from the shoulders down to the lower back. A kiss or a gentle rub from your nose on the side of your partners body will spark sexual shivers through their body... this is a sure way to get the ball rolling for love! Just remember.. you are in no rush to get to the finish line. Taking it nice and slowly will build great energy between you and it will pay off in the long run!
Please continue... this stuff is gold!
Ok.. Ok.. well.. as I've mentioned before, during foreplay it is important to go slow, begin by kissing and caressing. A good kiss is usually the first physical expression of love and desire for ones sexual needs! You dont necessarily kiss on the lips either! You can kiss your partners neck, eyelids, cheek, etc etc.. do you see where I am going here? When you do get to intercourse, kiss the different parts of your partner's body, don't feel restricted solely to the mouth. You see most women complain that their lover's don't kiss long enough and rush the movement directly to the genital area. So it is important to note that a large part of "getting in the mood" from a womens point of view is of course to kiss her.. not only on the lips.. but experiment on every part of the body. For instance, women enjoy particular kissing and nibbling attention to their neck area and shoulders.
Foreplay isn't something that has to be intimidating. You can learn how to arouse your partner. There are many products out there that will teach you the skills and ability to make foreplay for you and your partner, a very enjoyable experience! read more from here
What are foreplay techniques?
Well... there are many foreplay techniques involved which include activities such as undressing, kissing, petting, and oral sex. Everybody has a preference and you can add your own thoughts to the list. These techniques start before love making. The whole purpose of these techniques is to entice your lover into wanting you period! Sensual foreplay is so important between two partners and their sex life. The reason for that is because if will help both individuals enjoy are more arousing sexual experience. A note for all the men reading this... using good foreplay techniques with women will help her reach orgasm more often. The thing is the majority of women need prolonged sexual stimulation in order to reach a complete arousal. So fellas, using foreplay in the first place will provide them with the required state of mind for sexual intercourse.
So have you got any techniques in mind?
Other techniques you can try on your lover are things like taking a shower as you both are given the opportunity to explore and caress each others body. How about giving each other a massage? Massaging your partners body is a great way to "loosen up" your partner and getting them in the mood for love. Why not try buying some massaging oil and some scented candles to set the mood? You can start by massage your lover on the back from the shoulders down to the lower back. A kiss or a gentle rub from your nose on the side of your partners body will spark sexual shivers through their body... this is a sure way to get the ball rolling for love! Just remember.. you are in no rush to get to the finish line. Taking it nice and slowly will build great energy between you and it will pay off in the long run!
Please continue... this stuff is gold!
Ok.. Ok.. well.. as I've mentioned before, during foreplay it is important to go slow, begin by kissing and caressing. A good kiss is usually the first physical expression of love and desire for ones sexual needs! You dont necessarily kiss on the lips either! You can kiss your partners neck, eyelids, cheek, etc etc.. do you see where I am going here? When you do get to intercourse, kiss the different parts of your partner's body, don't feel restricted solely to the mouth. You see most women complain that their lover's don't kiss long enough and rush the movement directly to the genital area. So it is important to note that a large part of "getting in the mood" from a womens point of view is of course to kiss her.. not only on the lips.. but experiment on every part of the body. For instance, women enjoy particular kissing and nibbling attention to their neck area and shoulders.
Foreplay isn't something that has to be intimidating. You can learn how to arouse your partner. There are many products out there that will teach you the skills and ability to make foreplay for you and your partner, a very enjoyable experience! read more from here
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
How To Understand The Chemistry Of Love And Keep The Romance Alive
Most people believe that love comes straight from the heart but you may be surprised to hear that this is simply not true and its just a popular myth. Love is actually a chemical process and comes straight from the brain which is why its so important to understand how it works if you want to keep the romance alive and have a long and successful relationship.
We all know the feeling of being in a new romantic loving relationship with all of the constant heart pounding, sweaty palms, sleep deprivation, and obsessive cravings. But these symptoms are all caused by chemicals that are released by the brain so its possible to revive them and bring back the feeling of first being in love.
In the early stages of a romantic relationship the brain releases a chemical called phenylethylamine (PEA) which is also known as the "love drug" because it makes you feel more alert and gives you a sense of well being and contentment. This chemical is responsible for making you feel like you are walking on air and prevents you from sleeping while you think about your partner (which are the common symptoms of being in love).
Another chemical that is released is called dopamine which is a neurotransmitter that sends messages from one nerve cell to another in the brain and it boosts energy levels and motivation. The levels of dopamine rise when you are challenged or at risk and when you feel needed, appreciated, and rewarded. So when you are first courting or when you first ask someone out on a date your levels of dopamine will be high.
There are also other neurotransmitters which are released by the brain which are called endorphins and serotonin. Endorphins reward you for good behaviour such as when you win, laugh, exercise, have sex, or fall in love, and it motivates you to repeat these experiences. Serotonin helps you relax and feel comfortable, content, and optimistic.
One side effect of increased serotonin is the release of oxytocin which is also known as the "hormone of love" because of the way it helps us create long lasting relationships. It lets you bond with the people you love and it increases the passion and romance with your partner. It can make you feel like you are in the early stages of a romantic relationship again and it also releases more endorphins which help you stay in love for a long period of time.
The great thing about oxytocin is that its often triggered by touch so an intimate hug or massage will in turn release the hormone in your partner who will then feel the need to reciprocate. Suddenly, you will both feel the need to intimately touch and caress each other and this will strengthen the bond and increase the love you have for one another.
Another chemical that is present in both men and women is called testosterone which boosts your sex drive but its also released to prepare your body for intimacy which is why couples are so sexually active during the early stages of a relationship. Its common for testosterone levels to decrease as you age which reduces your sex drive.
The problem is that after the first few years of being with your partner the body becomes used to the chemicals that bombard it when you are in love and many people find it hard to accept the new phase of the relationship which is why divorce rates are so high during this period.
Its important to understand that after the initial excitement of falling in love the next phase of a relationship is more romantic and involves loyalty, comfort, stability, intimacy, dependability, and commitment. This is a different kind of love that must be accepted if the relationship is to continue long into the future.
We all know the feeling of being in a new romantic loving relationship with all of the constant heart pounding, sweaty palms, sleep deprivation, and obsessive cravings. But these symptoms are all caused by chemicals that are released by the brain so its possible to revive them and bring back the feeling of first being in love.
In the early stages of a romantic relationship the brain releases a chemical called phenylethylamine (PEA) which is also known as the "love drug" because it makes you feel more alert and gives you a sense of well being and contentment. This chemical is responsible for making you feel like you are walking on air and prevents you from sleeping while you think about your partner (which are the common symptoms of being in love).
Another chemical that is released is called dopamine which is a neurotransmitter that sends messages from one nerve cell to another in the brain and it boosts energy levels and motivation. The levels of dopamine rise when you are challenged or at risk and when you feel needed, appreciated, and rewarded. So when you are first courting or when you first ask someone out on a date your levels of dopamine will be high.
There are also other neurotransmitters which are released by the brain which are called endorphins and serotonin. Endorphins reward you for good behaviour such as when you win, laugh, exercise, have sex, or fall in love, and it motivates you to repeat these experiences. Serotonin helps you relax and feel comfortable, content, and optimistic.
One side effect of increased serotonin is the release of oxytocin which is also known as the "hormone of love" because of the way it helps us create long lasting relationships. It lets you bond with the people you love and it increases the passion and romance with your partner. It can make you feel like you are in the early stages of a romantic relationship again and it also releases more endorphins which help you stay in love for a long period of time.
The great thing about oxytocin is that its often triggered by touch so an intimate hug or massage will in turn release the hormone in your partner who will then feel the need to reciprocate. Suddenly, you will both feel the need to intimately touch and caress each other and this will strengthen the bond and increase the love you have for one another.
Another chemical that is present in both men and women is called testosterone which boosts your sex drive but its also released to prepare your body for intimacy which is why couples are so sexually active during the early stages of a relationship. Its common for testosterone levels to decrease as you age which reduces your sex drive.
The problem is that after the first few years of being with your partner the body becomes used to the chemicals that bombard it when you are in love and many people find it hard to accept the new phase of the relationship which is why divorce rates are so high during this period.
Its important to understand that after the initial excitement of falling in love the next phase of a relationship is more romantic and involves loyalty, comfort, stability, intimacy, dependability, and commitment. This is a different kind of love that must be accepted if the relationship is to continue long into the future.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
How to Keep Your Marriage Relationship Alive
Best Relationship secrets for couples of all ages
Divorce statistics around the world are growing all the time and couples therapy doesn't seem to be helping. Over 50% of couples who go to therapy sessions end up divorced and only around 20% of those seeing therapists actually experience improvements within their marriage. So how do you avoid becoming just another statistic? It is my aim to answer this question within this article. I will discuss the reasons why many people are unable to move on from past hurts and show you some ways that you can overcome the hard times.
A common mistake, and unfortunately an accepted form of therapy, is taking a trip down memory lane and digging up all the past hurts and mistakes within a marriage. This does not help matters at all. If you were feeling content and happy then someone told you to start remembering all the times you felt really sad, how do you think you would end up feeling? Your brain doesn't filter the reality from the memory so clearly. So if you focus on sad or bad feelings your brain tells the rest of you to follow suit and start feeling that way. This is the process that a lot of actors use when they're asked to cry on the spot. The same applies to your relationship. If we spend our time dwelling on past issues and old problems they come straight to the forefront of our minds and lives and we feel the hurt all over again.
Now, I'm not saying you should 'sweep your troubles under the rug' or 'bottle them up for another day'; quite on the contrary. You should realize the simple fact that the troubles you had in the past are indeed, past. Today is a new day. And yes, it does sound like a cliché but if you're serious about taking a step forward within your marriage then you really need to grab hold of this concept and run with it.
Another skill that is paramount to learn is being prepared to change the way you think and react to things on a daily basis. We all have learned certain ways to react to situations. And they seem like natural reactions because we've been doing them most of our lives. It can be something as simple as wincing when we see something painful on the television, to relationship issues like going on the war path when your partner rushes out the door and forgets to kiss you goodbye. If you can learn to identify how you react to things within your marriage, I mean really take a look at your own behavior, then you might find that some of your reactions are really quite silly or pointless and make a not so great minute one morning turn into a hell of a week all round. How often have you noticed that you are reacting like your parents used to? Most of this behavior is learned, and can be un-learned as well with a little work on your part.
Remember that day back when you were standing there facing your beloved and you vowed to love them and be with them forever? There are so many of us who disregard the power of our marriage vows. We tend to think that divorce must be normal and ok since so many people are doing it. The truth is the opposite. Divorce is not normal or ok. It's painful, difficult and highly stressful, rated up there with being told you have a terminal disease. The bottom line about vows is that you personally made the commitment to follow through. It's a decision you made with a sound mind and love in your heart. Love doesn't die and neither should our promises. Sometimes we forget these simple things. But remembering why you made that promise in the first place is a great place to start when you feel your marriage take a downward slide.
Gaining control over our emotions is another important area to look into. Something that should be taught during our early childhood yet is often just left on cruise mode. As adults we often think it is ok to allow anger to overwhelm us. We even use it as an excuse, "but I was feeling so angry, I didn't mean what I said." People compare getting angry to being intoxicated on hallucinogenic drugs. They seem to think they can get away with extremely hurtful things just because they are angry. This is a lie through and through. Anger is just another emotion and a strong one at that; all the more reason to prevent it from getting out of control. You wouldn't say to your loved one "I didn't really mean to say that I appreciate you, it's just that I was feeling so happy." It's the same thing. Silly huh? The sooner we learn to control our negative emotions instead of allowing them to control us, and worse, thinking they are reasonable excuses, the sooner our marriages and relationships will grow stronger.
If you feel that your marriage is on a downward spiral and you truly want to transform your marriage into something strong and long-lasting then have a good think about what I've shared with you here and continue to work at it on a daily basis. Marriage isn't easy, that's a fact, but as the saying goes, nothing worth really having ever is.
Divorce statistics around the world are growing all the time and couples therapy doesn't seem to be helping. Over 50% of couples who go to therapy sessions end up divorced and only around 20% of those seeing therapists actually experience improvements within their marriage. So how do you avoid becoming just another statistic? It is my aim to answer this question within this article. I will discuss the reasons why many people are unable to move on from past hurts and show you some ways that you can overcome the hard times.
A common mistake, and unfortunately an accepted form of therapy, is taking a trip down memory lane and digging up all the past hurts and mistakes within a marriage. This does not help matters at all. If you were feeling content and happy then someone told you to start remembering all the times you felt really sad, how do you think you would end up feeling? Your brain doesn't filter the reality from the memory so clearly. So if you focus on sad or bad feelings your brain tells the rest of you to follow suit and start feeling that way. This is the process that a lot of actors use when they're asked to cry on the spot. The same applies to your relationship. If we spend our time dwelling on past issues and old problems they come straight to the forefront of our minds and lives and we feel the hurt all over again.
Now, I'm not saying you should 'sweep your troubles under the rug' or 'bottle them up for another day'; quite on the contrary. You should realize the simple fact that the troubles you had in the past are indeed, past. Today is a new day. And yes, it does sound like a cliché but if you're serious about taking a step forward within your marriage then you really need to grab hold of this concept and run with it.
Another skill that is paramount to learn is being prepared to change the way you think and react to things on a daily basis. We all have learned certain ways to react to situations. And they seem like natural reactions because we've been doing them most of our lives. It can be something as simple as wincing when we see something painful on the television, to relationship issues like going on the war path when your partner rushes out the door and forgets to kiss you goodbye. If you can learn to identify how you react to things within your marriage, I mean really take a look at your own behavior, then you might find that some of your reactions are really quite silly or pointless and make a not so great minute one morning turn into a hell of a week all round. How often have you noticed that you are reacting like your parents used to? Most of this behavior is learned, and can be un-learned as well with a little work on your part.
Remember that day back when you were standing there facing your beloved and you vowed to love them and be with them forever? There are so many of us who disregard the power of our marriage vows. We tend to think that divorce must be normal and ok since so many people are doing it. The truth is the opposite. Divorce is not normal or ok. It's painful, difficult and highly stressful, rated up there with being told you have a terminal disease. The bottom line about vows is that you personally made the commitment to follow through. It's a decision you made with a sound mind and love in your heart. Love doesn't die and neither should our promises. Sometimes we forget these simple things. But remembering why you made that promise in the first place is a great place to start when you feel your marriage take a downward slide.
Gaining control over our emotions is another important area to look into. Something that should be taught during our early childhood yet is often just left on cruise mode. As adults we often think it is ok to allow anger to overwhelm us. We even use it as an excuse, "but I was feeling so angry, I didn't mean what I said." People compare getting angry to being intoxicated on hallucinogenic drugs. They seem to think they can get away with extremely hurtful things just because they are angry. This is a lie through and through. Anger is just another emotion and a strong one at that; all the more reason to prevent it from getting out of control. You wouldn't say to your loved one "I didn't really mean to say that I appreciate you, it's just that I was feeling so happy." It's the same thing. Silly huh? The sooner we learn to control our negative emotions instead of allowing them to control us, and worse, thinking they are reasonable excuses, the sooner our marriages and relationships will grow stronger.
If you feel that your marriage is on a downward spiral and you truly want to transform your marriage into something strong and long-lasting then have a good think about what I've shared with you here and continue to work at it on a daily basis. Marriage isn't easy, that's a fact, but as the saying goes, nothing worth really having ever is.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Relationship Advice: Turn Anger into a Relationship Ally
A great deal has been written about the damaging effects that anger can have on intimate relationships. But did you know that anger can be beneficial to your marriage or relationship? The dark side of anger
Like all emotions, anger runs along a continuum--from low to high intensity. When too intense, anger is like an untamed horse--anyone in its path is in danger of being hurt. Anger that pushes you to behave in hurtful or abusive ways has no place in your relationship.
There is a crucial difference between feeling angry and behaving aggressively.
You're in good company if you've erred and said something in the heat of an argument that you later regret (and apologized for), but verbal attacks that are meant to hurt or belittle your partner are a major warning sign that something is wrong.
You and your partner should make controlling the way anger is communicated a top priority. This doesn't mean that you should never become angry. Shutting down your emotional reactions is unhealthy--both for your well-being and the health of your relationship.
When is anger useful:
Anger has a place in relationships. The fact that we all have the capacity to become angry suggests that anger is a natural part of our existence. Let's look at how anger can become your ally.
5 ways anger can benefit you (and your relationship):
1. Your anger lets your partner know what's important to you.
For instance, your husband notices you become angry each time his family unexpectedly visits during dinner time. Your reaction sends a powerful message that says you look forward to your alone time with him in the evenings, rather than dealing with intrusions or spending time with his extended family. Anger is a source of information.
2. Your anger is a blueprint that tells your partner what to do and what not to do.
Your partner thinks she's being cute when she compares your receding hairline with Antarctic's shrinking glaciers. Embarrassed and angry, you grumble that her comment was hurtful and you assert, "You better never say anything like that again!" If I were your partner, I'd listen. Anger has a highlighting effect, adding "oomph" to your message.
3. Your anger informs you about your underlying needs.
You're driving to work and your car's "check engine" light comes on. The car seems to be driving OK but you decide to play it safe and take it to the mechanic. To your surprise, the mechanic finds several problems that need fixing--if ignored, these small problems would have multiplied. Your anger is a lot like the "check engine" light--warning you that something needs fixing.
4. Your anger is a roadmap, pointing to your core values.
Imagine you find yourself feeling uncomfortable and annoyed whenever your partner interacts with the waitstaff at restaurants. To your dismay, you notice that he speaks in a condescending tone of voice and is demanding. It's always been important to you that others are treated with kindness and consideration. In this example, your reaction is a reminder that you hold these values with conviction.
5. Your anger is a protective shield.
Think of a time when you became angered when treated unfairly. Anger is a common reaction to transgression. When your partner is insensitive or critical, anger can help you protect yourself. Anger helps you shield the vulnerable parts of yourself and motivates you to take the necessary steps to assert yourself. When you say, "Don't talk to me like that--I don't deserve that!" your anger is helping you to protect yourself.
As you can see, anger has an important place in your marriage or relationship (and in all relationships). Unfortunately, anger can also be a very destructive force if left to its own devices--a controlled fire gives warmth, an uncontrolled fire blazes a path of destruction.
The key to using anger constructively lies in what you do with your anger. How you behave and communicate when angry is of utmost important to the health of your relationship.
Would you like to receive two FREE special reports that will help you build a stronger relationship? Visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.
Like all emotions, anger runs along a continuum--from low to high intensity. When too intense, anger is like an untamed horse--anyone in its path is in danger of being hurt. Anger that pushes you to behave in hurtful or abusive ways has no place in your relationship.
There is a crucial difference between feeling angry and behaving aggressively.
You're in good company if you've erred and said something in the heat of an argument that you later regret (and apologized for), but verbal attacks that are meant to hurt or belittle your partner are a major warning sign that something is wrong.
You and your partner should make controlling the way anger is communicated a top priority. This doesn't mean that you should never become angry. Shutting down your emotional reactions is unhealthy--both for your well-being and the health of your relationship.
When is anger useful:
Anger has a place in relationships. The fact that we all have the capacity to become angry suggests that anger is a natural part of our existence. Let's look at how anger can become your ally.
5 ways anger can benefit you (and your relationship):
1. Your anger lets your partner know what's important to you.
For instance, your husband notices you become angry each time his family unexpectedly visits during dinner time. Your reaction sends a powerful message that says you look forward to your alone time with him in the evenings, rather than dealing with intrusions or spending time with his extended family. Anger is a source of information.
2. Your anger is a blueprint that tells your partner what to do and what not to do.
Your partner thinks she's being cute when she compares your receding hairline with Antarctic's shrinking glaciers. Embarrassed and angry, you grumble that her comment was hurtful and you assert, "You better never say anything like that again!" If I were your partner, I'd listen. Anger has a highlighting effect, adding "oomph" to your message.
3. Your anger informs you about your underlying needs.
You're driving to work and your car's "check engine" light comes on. The car seems to be driving OK but you decide to play it safe and take it to the mechanic. To your surprise, the mechanic finds several problems that need fixing--if ignored, these small problems would have multiplied. Your anger is a lot like the "check engine" light--warning you that something needs fixing.
4. Your anger is a roadmap, pointing to your core values.
Imagine you find yourself feeling uncomfortable and annoyed whenever your partner interacts with the waitstaff at restaurants. To your dismay, you notice that he speaks in a condescending tone of voice and is demanding. It's always been important to you that others are treated with kindness and consideration. In this example, your reaction is a reminder that you hold these values with conviction.
5. Your anger is a protective shield.
Think of a time when you became angered when treated unfairly. Anger is a common reaction to transgression. When your partner is insensitive or critical, anger can help you protect yourself. Anger helps you shield the vulnerable parts of yourself and motivates you to take the necessary steps to assert yourself. When you say, "Don't talk to me like that--I don't deserve that!" your anger is helping you to protect yourself.
As you can see, anger has an important place in your marriage or relationship (and in all relationships). Unfortunately, anger can also be a very destructive force if left to its own devices--a controlled fire gives warmth, an uncontrolled fire blazes a path of destruction.
The key to using anger constructively lies in what you do with your anger. How you behave and communicate when angry is of utmost important to the health of your relationship.
Would you like to receive two FREE special reports that will help you build a stronger relationship? Visit http://StrengthenYourRelationship.com/ and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Relationship Toolbox Newsletter.
Saturday, February 9, 2008
How To Understand The Chemistry Of Love And Keep The Romance Alive
Most people believe that love comes straight from the heart but you may be surprised to hear that this is simply not true and its just a popular myth. Love is actually a chemical process and comes straight from the brain which is why its so important to understand how it works if you want to keep the romance alive and have a long and successful relationship.
We all know the feeling of being in a new romantic loving relationship with all of the constant heart pounding, sweaty palms, sleep deprivation, and obsessive cravings. But these symptoms are all caused by chemicals that are released by the brain so its possible to revive them and bring back the feeling of first being in love.
In the early stages of a romantic relationship the brain releases a chemical called phenylethylamine (PEA) which is also known as the "love drug" because it makes you feel more alert and gives you a sense of well being and contentment. This chemical is responsible for making you feel like you are walking on air and prevents you from sleeping while you think about your partner (which are the common symptoms of being in love).
Another chemical that is released is called dopamine which is a neurotransmitter that sends messages from one nerve cell to another in the brain and it boosts energy levels and motivation. The levels of dopamine rise when you are challenged or at risk and when you feel needed, appreciated, and rewarded. So when you are first courting or when you first ask someone out on a date your levels of dopamine will be high.
There are also other neurotransmitters which are released by the brain which are called endorphins and serotonin. Endorphins reward you for good behaviour such as when you win, laugh, exercise, have sex, or fall in love, and it motivates you to repeat these experiences. Serotonin helps you relax and feel comfortable, content, and optimistic.
One side effect of increased serotonin is the release of oxytocin which is also known as the "hormone of love" because of the way it helps us create long lasting relationships. It lets you bond with the people you love and it increases the passion and romance with your partner. It can make you feel like you are in the early stages of a romantic relationship again and it also releases more endorphins which help you stay in love for a long period of time.
The great thing about oxytocin is that its often triggered by touch so an intimate hug or massage will in turn release the hormone in your partner who will then feel the need to reciprocate. Suddenly, you will both feel the need to intimately touch and caress each other and this will strengthen the bond and increase the love you have for one another.
Another chemical that is present in both men and women is called testosterone which boosts your sex drive but its also released to prepare your body for intimacy which is why couples are so sexually active during the early stages of a relationship. Its common for testosterone levels to decrease as you age which reduces your sex drive.
The problem is that after the first few years of being with your partner the body becomes used to the chemicals that bombard it when you are in love and many people find it hard to accept the new phase of the relationship which is why divorce rates are so high during this period.
Its important to understand that after the initial excitement of falling in love the next phase of a relationship is more romantic and involves loyalty, comfort, stability, intimacy, dependability, and commitment. This is a different kind of love that must be accepted if the relationship is to continue long into the future.
We all know the feeling of being in a new romantic loving relationship with all of the constant heart pounding, sweaty palms, sleep deprivation, and obsessive cravings. But these symptoms are all caused by chemicals that are released by the brain so its possible to revive them and bring back the feeling of first being in love.
In the early stages of a romantic relationship the brain releases a chemical called phenylethylamine (PEA) which is also known as the "love drug" because it makes you feel more alert and gives you a sense of well being and contentment. This chemical is responsible for making you feel like you are walking on air and prevents you from sleeping while you think about your partner (which are the common symptoms of being in love).
Another chemical that is released is called dopamine which is a neurotransmitter that sends messages from one nerve cell to another in the brain and it boosts energy levels and motivation. The levels of dopamine rise when you are challenged or at risk and when you feel needed, appreciated, and rewarded. So when you are first courting or when you first ask someone out on a date your levels of dopamine will be high.
There are also other neurotransmitters which are released by the brain which are called endorphins and serotonin. Endorphins reward you for good behaviour such as when you win, laugh, exercise, have sex, or fall in love, and it motivates you to repeat these experiences. Serotonin helps you relax and feel comfortable, content, and optimistic.
One side effect of increased serotonin is the release of oxytocin which is also known as the "hormone of love" because of the way it helps us create long lasting relationships. It lets you bond with the people you love and it increases the passion and romance with your partner. It can make you feel like you are in the early stages of a romantic relationship again and it also releases more endorphins which help you stay in love for a long period of time.
The great thing about oxytocin is that its often triggered by touch so an intimate hug or massage will in turn release the hormone in your partner who will then feel the need to reciprocate. Suddenly, you will both feel the need to intimately touch and caress each other and this will strengthen the bond and increase the love you have for one another.
Another chemical that is present in both men and women is called testosterone which boosts your sex drive but its also released to prepare your body for intimacy which is why couples are so sexually active during the early stages of a relationship. Its common for testosterone levels to decrease as you age which reduces your sex drive.
The problem is that after the first few years of being with your partner the body becomes used to the chemicals that bombard it when you are in love and many people find it hard to accept the new phase of the relationship which is why divorce rates are so high during this period.
Its important to understand that after the initial excitement of falling in love the next phase of a relationship is more romantic and involves loyalty, comfort, stability, intimacy, dependability, and commitment. This is a different kind of love that must be accepted if the relationship is to continue long into the future.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Spice up Your Relationship this Valentine's Day
Get Your Relationship Out of Cruise Control, Before its Too Late!
By Maria Lamkin
You know we all let it happen, we take perfectly good marriages and put them in cruise control expecting that everything will remain hunky dory. Truth be told, this may be fine for the short-term "but clearly not for the long haul.
Because its Valentines Day, Iam going to share with you some of the best advice on relationships that I have recently found. Yes, its enough to make even me blush while writing this, but I can handle it and so can you!
Sex Drive Okay, you have just come home from work "or you have just finished cleaning your two-year-old spaghetti off the floor "and your husband starts in with the hints. Remember the book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus? Well, this is even more evident when it comes to our sexual needs. That being so, it can be a real struggle for women to want to have sex and get in the mood on a regular basis "especially when given the choice between sex and watching American Idol. But its okay, you are not alone!
Certified sex therapist Debra Taylor has some answers, and tips, to rev things back up. She says, “Most women do not think about sex frequently. Many men are shocked, appalled and disappointed to find out that women think about sex once a week. For a man who thinks about sex once a minute or several times an hour, that is just unbelievable to him
Yes, it may be unbelievable to him, but that is the reality "right girls! So, here what Taylor says we need to do to get sex back on the front burner, the way you begin is by setting aside time "it doesn't have to be a lot of time, but setting aside time every day or several times a week just to think happy thoughts about sex.She says that thinking happy thoughts about sex will get you closer to being able to enjoy it and use sex for really positive things in your marriage.
What She Wants Now, what if the problem is that you just don’t know how to tell your husband what you like and don't like "in the privacy of your bedroom? This is another common issue that women face. If not approached carefully, some men can take great offense at their wives critiquing their love making skills.
But if you don't take action, your marriage will likely suffer. Experts say that sexual intimacy is a critical factor for a successful marriage. This means to have a great sex life, you need to learn to share your desires thereby creating a satisfying sex life, not only for your husband "but also for you.
Licensed psychologist and sex therapist Douglas Rosenau has some advice for approaching this touchy subject. I think there are ways you can do this coaching, and often I say to women that men are ego driven, so if you can throw in some affirmation it really, really helps.†In fact, he tells women to sandwich their coaching with affirmation. He says to try something like, “Wow, what a stud. I mean you are a great lover.are Followed by, are you know, a little softer, and a little lower would help. After which, Rosenau says to make sure to follow up with more affirmation.
Men are pretty easy, says Rosenau, if the coaching is done with sensitivity and praise. However, don't forget to save the major coaching for when you are fully clothed and in a place you can talk, such as a busy restaurant or across the kitchen table, but definitely not during lovemaking.
We work at our jobs, we work at being great parents, but how hard do we really work at our relationships? Therefore, this Valentines Day, take the wise advice of these experts and put it to work. You never know, you may just throw your love life into overdrive.
To see more ways to spice up your love life, check out The Top 10 Ways to Reenergize Your Relationships featuring over a dozen experts in the field of sexual intimacy and relationships.
By Maria Lamkin
You know we all let it happen, we take perfectly good marriages and put them in cruise control expecting that everything will remain hunky dory. Truth be told, this may be fine for the short-term "but clearly not for the long haul.
Because its Valentines Day, Iam going to share with you some of the best advice on relationships that I have recently found. Yes, its enough to make even me blush while writing this, but I can handle it and so can you!
Sex Drive Okay, you have just come home from work "or you have just finished cleaning your two-year-old spaghetti off the floor "and your husband starts in with the hints. Remember the book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus? Well, this is even more evident when it comes to our sexual needs. That being so, it can be a real struggle for women to want to have sex and get in the mood on a regular basis "especially when given the choice between sex and watching American Idol. But its okay, you are not alone!
Certified sex therapist Debra Taylor has some answers, and tips, to rev things back up. She says, “Most women do not think about sex frequently. Many men are shocked, appalled and disappointed to find out that women think about sex once a week. For a man who thinks about sex once a minute or several times an hour, that is just unbelievable to him
Yes, it may be unbelievable to him, but that is the reality "right girls! So, here what Taylor says we need to do to get sex back on the front burner, the way you begin is by setting aside time "it doesn't have to be a lot of time, but setting aside time every day or several times a week just to think happy thoughts about sex.She says that thinking happy thoughts about sex will get you closer to being able to enjoy it and use sex for really positive things in your marriage.
What She Wants Now, what if the problem is that you just don’t know how to tell your husband what you like and don't like "in the privacy of your bedroom? This is another common issue that women face. If not approached carefully, some men can take great offense at their wives critiquing their love making skills.
But if you don't take action, your marriage will likely suffer. Experts say that sexual intimacy is a critical factor for a successful marriage. This means to have a great sex life, you need to learn to share your desires thereby creating a satisfying sex life, not only for your husband "but also for you.
Licensed psychologist and sex therapist Douglas Rosenau has some advice for approaching this touchy subject. I think there are ways you can do this coaching, and often I say to women that men are ego driven, so if you can throw in some affirmation it really, really helps.†In fact, he tells women to sandwich their coaching with affirmation. He says to try something like, “Wow, what a stud. I mean you are a great lover.are Followed by, are you know, a little softer, and a little lower would help. After which, Rosenau says to make sure to follow up with more affirmation.
Men are pretty easy, says Rosenau, if the coaching is done with sensitivity and praise. However, don't forget to save the major coaching for when you are fully clothed and in a place you can talk, such as a busy restaurant or across the kitchen table, but definitely not during lovemaking.
We work at our jobs, we work at being great parents, but how hard do we really work at our relationships? Therefore, this Valentines Day, take the wise advice of these experts and put it to work. You never know, you may just throw your love life into overdrive.
To see more ways to spice up your love life, check out The Top 10 Ways to Reenergize Your Relationships featuring over a dozen experts in the field of sexual intimacy and relationships.
Thursday, February 7, 2008
5 Essentials For A Healthy Relationship
There are many things that come into play when you are in a serious relationship that can mean the difference between a healthy and a very unhealthy one. Some things you'll find there is a little give, but others if something isn't present as much as possible, it can doom the relationship.
Here are 5 of the most important things that contribute to a healthy relationship.
1. Being with the Right Person!
That sounds obvious, but how many people have you known that have been with the wrong person? I'm not talking about a couple that is a little wrong for each other. No relationship is perfect. I mean really wrong!
Unless from the beginning you start by being with someone that likes to do things with you, has similar interests and a similar attitude in general, you'll be doomed to walk the rest of your life in regret.
If you have two opposing views on every topic and struggle doing what the other likes to do, then you are on a tremulous path.
2. Forgiveness
It has to be there. If you plan on having a long and fruitful life together, you need to learn to forgive each others mistakes along the way. Even the most terrible ones! If they are too terrible and you can't forgive the one you love, then ready yourself for serious problems.
Broken and struggling couples are quick to accuse and take a long time to forgive if they ever do. They become cynical and angry towards the other. This is a doomed situation.
If your partner loses it and says something nasty to you, shake it off. Everyone has mood swings and if they love you, it's probably not personal.
3. Flexibility
Healthy relationships depend on each partner being flexible. There is a give and take with a relationship. One of you might like shopping at Wal-Mart and the other doesn't, but that doesn't mean you don't shop together.
It should be this way throughout your life. No one should keep score like, "I did 'x' amount with you and did what you wanted to do, but you haven't done 'x' with me and what I want to do yet!"
This is a matter of supporting and caring about each others needs and desires. If you love someone, that shouldn't be an issue. Just spending time together should be fun!
4. Communication
This is definitely in the top 5. How many relationships have problems because one of the parties doesn't communicate with the other? The answer is many! I might even venture to say it's a leading cause of issues.
Make sure you don't keep things bottled up until they boil over. If there is something bothering you, speak up!
And if you did something wrong, please talk to the other about it; remember I talked about forgiveness earlier in this article? Certainly you don't want your partner to find something out through the grapevine and from another party! Then forgiveness will be harder to come by.
Spend time each day talking about your day. Put time aside to just hang out and chat about things. Keep the communication channels open as much as possible.
5. Plan Your Life Together
To keep your relationship healthy, make sure you plan and do things together. This includes both short term and long term.
Plan what you are going to do this coming week. Plan dates together, outings and even time to bum around town. The best time I have with my own wife is when I'm planning a weekend away. It's fun to plan!
But also plan some things you can do to get away this coming year or years. And what your goals are with your life in general. By having goals together, the struggles of today will seem lighter.
All 5 of these traits are important to insure you have a long and healthy relationship. If you are weak in some area, think about how you can do more.
A relationship is a partnership. Neither of you is on an island alone. Do all the things above and it will go a long way in making any potentially unhealthy relationship much, much healthier
Article taken from here
Here are 5 of the most important things that contribute to a healthy relationship.
1. Being with the Right Person!
That sounds obvious, but how many people have you known that have been with the wrong person? I'm not talking about a couple that is a little wrong for each other. No relationship is perfect. I mean really wrong!
Unless from the beginning you start by being with someone that likes to do things with you, has similar interests and a similar attitude in general, you'll be doomed to walk the rest of your life in regret.
If you have two opposing views on every topic and struggle doing what the other likes to do, then you are on a tremulous path.
2. Forgiveness
It has to be there. If you plan on having a long and fruitful life together, you need to learn to forgive each others mistakes along the way. Even the most terrible ones! If they are too terrible and you can't forgive the one you love, then ready yourself for serious problems.
Broken and struggling couples are quick to accuse and take a long time to forgive if they ever do. They become cynical and angry towards the other. This is a doomed situation.
If your partner loses it and says something nasty to you, shake it off. Everyone has mood swings and if they love you, it's probably not personal.
3. Flexibility
Healthy relationships depend on each partner being flexible. There is a give and take with a relationship. One of you might like shopping at Wal-Mart and the other doesn't, but that doesn't mean you don't shop together.
It should be this way throughout your life. No one should keep score like, "I did 'x' amount with you and did what you wanted to do, but you haven't done 'x' with me and what I want to do yet!"
This is a matter of supporting and caring about each others needs and desires. If you love someone, that shouldn't be an issue. Just spending time together should be fun!
4. Communication
This is definitely in the top 5. How many relationships have problems because one of the parties doesn't communicate with the other? The answer is many! I might even venture to say it's a leading cause of issues.
Make sure you don't keep things bottled up until they boil over. If there is something bothering you, speak up!
And if you did something wrong, please talk to the other about it; remember I talked about forgiveness earlier in this article? Certainly you don't want your partner to find something out through the grapevine and from another party! Then forgiveness will be harder to come by.
Spend time each day talking about your day. Put time aside to just hang out and chat about things. Keep the communication channels open as much as possible.
5. Plan Your Life Together
To keep your relationship healthy, make sure you plan and do things together. This includes both short term and long term.
Plan what you are going to do this coming week. Plan dates together, outings and even time to bum around town. The best time I have with my own wife is when I'm planning a weekend away. It's fun to plan!
But also plan some things you can do to get away this coming year or years. And what your goals are with your life in general. By having goals together, the struggles of today will seem lighter.
All 5 of these traits are important to insure you have a long and healthy relationship. If you are weak in some area, think about how you can do more.
A relationship is a partnership. Neither of you is on an island alone. Do all the things above and it will go a long way in making any potentially unhealthy relationship much, much healthier
Article taken from here
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